In the Booth with Ruth – DublinCallGirl

How did you become involved in supporting the abolition of prostitution?

I worked as an escort for nearly five years from my early twenties. During this time I was very open minded about the whole thing, and very much on the side of it being empowering and a confidence booster. The effects it left me with I still struggle with every day. I made my choice. I can live with and conquer the consequences. However, I cannot sit by and see women and girls get exploited who made no choice to be there, or were lured, coerced or otherwise exploited and taken advantage of. There is a very special place in hell for the people who profit from sexual abuse, and I will always be on the side of the vulnerable. Always. If being on the side of the vulnerable means being an abolitionist, so be it.

I found myself with a need to express myself. I made friends with Rebecca Mott online; after reading her blog and relating to so much, I made contact. Through her, I found Stella Marr and Survivor’s Connect, a wonderful (private) site, where there are something like more than fifty women, all survivors of prostitution and all who you can talk to about anything. It is a like a safe club, and it is private so it is just for us.

I started blogging after being inspired by Rebecca and others and this put me in touch with lots of other really compassionate, lovely people, and I’m so happy for it. No one except for a couple of friends knew about my past, so this is a much needed support. Writing the blog was such a mind opening experience. I learnt all about the different abolition movements, the pro sex work groups, I learnt about all the different (sometimes ridiculous) terminology used. Good things and bad things, I learnt about it all, at the same time as writing my own experiences and hopefully opening other people’s minds to the idea that it isn’t just ‘choice V trafficking’, when in fact of course this industry is nothing black or white, but a million shades of grey. (That sh*t book has really ruined that expression hasn’t it?!)

What draws you to support and advocate for people in prostitution?

I can empathise with them, regardless of their situation, very deeply. Sexual violence has been in my life since I was sixteen years old. It’s something I always cared about. For those who are unhappy in prostitution, ie, the vast majority, what they are involved with is abuse, because they are not making a free choice to be in it. I also did not make a ‘free’ choice, in that I was abused for four years previously, from sixteen years of age, and paid for the ‘favours’ I provided to the abuser.

Obviously, it’s not surprising that I ended up in prostitution as a way to reassert my control of my sexuality. It was a way to say that I wasn’t the victim anymore. I care very much about others like me that are still in the industry and still in denial as I was. For these people, I will do what I can to educate, especially young people, about the dangers of being groomed by older men, and especially, what consent really means, and how it doesn’t matter if you consent because you’re getting paid for it; you’re not consenting to sex; you’re consenting to rent out your vagina.

What legal improvements or changes would help to abolish prostitution?

I’m not sure, but definitely decriminalise the selling of sex. We want women and girls to be able to feel safe about going to the police about attacks or threats or stalking, and about pimps. If women were able to go to the police about pimps and other controllers it would just be amazing.

For anyone else who wants to be involved, what can other people do to help?

They can contact organisations that help prostitutes. They can volunteer in women’s shelters, on rape crisis phone lines; whatever they can do to contribute towards easing the suffering of women is tied in with prostitution and exploitation. Mostly, they can educate themselves and critically think about everything they are offered to believe. This is very important. Be a friend to the exploited; give them a voice. It is a terrifying world to not have a voice and inside be screaming, so be strong for all these silent women and girls and give them a strong, loud voice.

What are your plans for the future?

I plan to keep on in recovery. I am back in therapy now after a break and ready to go a layer deeper into all that happened to me. My main focus is myself and self care. It might sound selfish but the only way I am of use to anyone else is to be of use to myself first. I plan to continue with my education and I would love to work in a women’s organisation some day. There is no better feeling than helping someone else.

• ‘Memory and Trauma’, a short piece of non-fiction written by DublinCallGirl, can be read on Voices of Prostitution Survivors here.